Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves

So I've cracked the Enigma Code that is the young, Romani girls who keep flocking to us with clipboards every time the French police are out of sight. It's always the same drill. With lightning like reflexes and a big, Amway-selling grin, one will split off from the pack, walk up to me (never Patty) and ask, "Do you speak English?" In the beginning, she would seemingly materialize out of nowhere and catch me completely by surprise while I was gaping at yet another amazing French landmark or buzzing from yet another duck-fat high. Reflexively, I would say, "Yes." But even if I politely said "No," the next scene is already scripted.

Petition Girl will stick a grubby clipboard in front of me with a sheet of paper that is printed in French and has a number of signatures on it. She will ask me to sign it without any explanation. I can make out the words "children," "handicap," and "deaf" on the French form, but beyond that I don't know if I'm signing up to support disabled children or to simply buy one on installments. Since I am a graduate of the Groucho Marx school of "I would never join a club that would have someone like me as a member," I decline the enrollment offer, wave her off, and we keep walking. She is not so easily dissuaded, though, and she continues to buzz around us as we walk, tapping her clipboard with her pen and telling me to "please sign." I continue to say no. This continues until the tone and volume of my voice reach a threshold that is threatening, and she disappears before our very eyes. It's annoying and time consuming but otherwise harmless. This happened over and over the first few days of our vacation.

What's the goal here? Obviously they are attempting to prey upon my generosity and my ignorance, but where's the hook? Where's the payday? At first I thought they were trying to slow me down or even stop me, similar to the way hyenas will pick out a gazelle from the herd and use their cunning to disorient it so the pack can surround and dismember it. And although I'm sure that can be one option, this wasn't the case in Paris, as my hindquarters (and wallet) are still very much intact. And as I've had time to watch them work on others, it is obvious they are solo agents in this particular scam.

Here's the deal. If you are green enough to sign the petition, they will then point to the names above yours and specifically to the dollar amounts next to those names that you probably didn't even notice before. And if you thought it was hard to get rid of them before, you ain't seen nothin' yet. Through a series of Oscar-worthy theatrics, broken English, and Jehovah Witness-like persistence, they will try to get you to make a similar donation. They may even imply that since you signed you are obligated to pay by French law. Fake tears may even be shed. It's surprising how many people will eventually cough up Euros out of guilt, fear, or just their desire to make them go away. Oh, and I assure you, no money is being raised for disabled children.

And although I know of no way to keep them from approaching, short of consistently swinging a 3 foot Katana sword in front of you as you walk, I did stumble upon a very effective way to shut them down before they get going. When a young Romani approaches and asks whether I speak English, I look her straight in the eye (very important), pause for effect, and then say, "No, not a single word."

They disappear immediately.